Pinterest Links for Final Paper

Alison Bechdel's fathers public board

http://www.pinterest.com/kayos/bechdels-father/

Alison Bechdel's fathers private board

http://www.pinterest.com/kayos/bechdels-secret-board/

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No Hope for the Hopeless

McCarthy ends his story in a very bleak way. Before reading the articles about Hemingway I didn't know he was illuding to a second piece of writing but after reading the excerpt it's clear what he was trying to say. McCarthy makes this comparison to Hemingway because he wants there to be a drastic difference between the way the stories end. For Hemingway the image of the trout in the river meant hope, it meant new life. It encourages the reader to look beyond their immediate surrounding to find the good in life and what it's worth. Then there's McCarthy's ending, McCarthy specifically talks of a time when the man remembered trout in the river, it's a memory for him, not something that is current. He wants the reader to understand that there's a difference between the world there was and the world that there is not. He wants to reader to feel the hopelessness, to understand that the world will never be the same as it was ever again and that they have to accept that. That's similar to the world after 9/11, it changed things for American's and the entire world. People lost family, a city lost their beakon and a country lost thier sense of security. America was no longer infallible and that was a hard pill for an entire nation to swallow. When wars start in other countries now people legitimately worry about another attack, because 9/11 was not only a warning to us of our weakness but to our enemies that our weaknesses are there. 

I think the story is about 9/11 in the way that it's not about what happened but how people have to deal with it.  The relationship between the father and the son is something showing the difference in generations, the children still filled with hope and goodness but the parents, old enough to understand what happened and become jaded by it all. 

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Dinosaurs and Crows

The man describes a dream, on where he's visited by a being not of his own world. And when he wakes up he makes the realization that he is the alien. He's from a world that's nothing like the one he lives in now. His son knows nothing of what he grew up with other than the stories that he's told him. (McCarthy 154). That's an odd realization that the man makes but it echos throughout the rest of this portion of the story. When the man and his son are discussing crows, the boy asks him whether or not they still exist, whether he'll ever see a crow for himself. For us seeing a crow is just a matter of looking out the window but in this new post apocalyptic world seeing a crow is as unlikely as walking down the street to see a dinosaur, they're all gone. They're dead in the ground and they'll never be anymore of them. Except in books. "Just in books? Yes. Just in books." (McCarthy 158). To me that's astounding, the boys entire world almost exists in a fairytale, at least his dreams. His reality is so grim, so barren that he lives off of the truths and the memories of his father. Stories of animals that have long since ceased to exist, stories of his mother, and a world where people weren't just good guys and bad guys. Where there were doctors and lawyers and teachers, none of that exists anymore except for in the mans memories and his sharing of these stories with his son in a way keeps them alive, because eventually they won't be anyones memories anymore and the only thing that will exist is the vast expanse of nothingness and the eventual demise of humanity. McCarthy does a great job of reminding us how important the trust the boy holds in his fathers stories really is. In a conversation between the two of them the boy expresses just how important it is that he believes everything his father tells him. "I always believe you. I dont think so. Yes I do. I have to." (McCarthy 185). It's such a matter of fact statment but it's because the father doesn't realize that if the boy doesn't trust him, if he doesn't just accept what his father says as honest and true that he couldn't trust anything because all he knows is what he's been taught by him. Why there are bad people, why his mother died, why they can't care for and take in everyone and yet are still the good guys. He's too young to fully understand but he knows that his father is ultimately looking out for their well being and only taking care of him the best that he can. 

Is is wrong for the father to fill his sons mind with stories of a world that will never exist again? Should he give him this false hope or is it something else? Do the stories give the boy an innocence, a drive in imagination? Something to keep going in a world so bleak?

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Okay

For starters I want to apologize for this being late, I'm just had my world turned upside down and it all still doesn't feel real but my husband came home from deployment this weekend and I lost track of time. I sincerely apologize but plan to get back on track and up to speed. But needless to say I've been on cloud nine and collecting my thoughts lately has been near to impossible. Lol 

This story is dark and very bleak but what stands out most for me other than the blantant plot and story line is the way that Cormac McCarthy tells it; with precise word choice, little detial, and specific uses of punctuation or lack there of. From the beginnin of this novel I noticed that at certain times he doesn't use apostraphes. For instance on page 4 in the first paragraph he doesn't use one for the words wasn't or hadn't but in the next paragraph he does use them for the word there'd. (McCarthy 4). I don't know exactly why he does this, picking and choising when to use an apostrophe but I personally think it might have to do with necessity, the idea of only using things when their needed and that parallels the story with the father and son doing everything they can to preserve what they have. But I'd love to hear others opinions on this grammatic error. 

Another thing I'd noticed is his use of precise word choice. While I'm not a linguist by any means I do find myself to be a fairly articulate person, however some words in this book utterly stumped me and I had to resort to asking Siri on my iPhone to define their exact meanings. For instance, when he says, "She would do it with a flake of obsidian" (McCarthy 58). I had to look up the meaning of that word to figure out that he was saying she cut herself with a shard of extremely sharp volcanic rock, but obsidian is certainly not a piece of vocabulary I have sitting idly in my reportoure. Then there's when he's describing the people that pass by them on the road and says that there are catamites in their party (McCarthy 92).  I had no idea what that word meant, so I again resorted to my good old smart phone to help me out. Learning that they are young boys that are used as sexual partners with men. Thanks for that Google. This word choice is odd to me since the rest of the narration is so plain and straight forward yet at the same time it is saying something. I believe it's telling us that the man, the father, was intelligent. He was someone of higher social class and intelligent. I'm not sure if he was a doctor but it's seems to me that this hints at the fact that at this time, those things; social class, wealthy, higher education, those things don't matter anymore. What matters is being able to survive. 

Lastly I wanted to bring up the boys use of the word "Okay" in conversation. A majority of the conversations shared between the boy and his father all end with this sentiment and I believe it says a lot about the boy and his mind set. Children often are not so understanding, they question, the want answers, they constantly ask why. But this boy doesn't, he does have questions but it's not the same necessarily. I think his acceptance of the realities around him is part of his character, he's agreeing to what's being said to him and making peace with that being the truth. He isn't flippant or being passive, he's understanding and in a way the boy is being shaped by the lessons and truths that he's learning from his father, in this strange reality. 

This book is great, the writing style is awesome and there's so much to pull from it besides just what the story itself is saying. There was one more part, I don't know if anyone else noticed where the author actually changed perspective of writing. There's a shift from third person with the narrator being someone not in the story to first person where the father himself is actually relaying to us what is happening (McCarthy 87). It's when they're discussing the child having seen another boy, but the father insists that is was a dog. Instead of the original narrator telling us this, the father directly tells the audience that the boy doesn't remember having seen a child, that he saw a dog and remembers that but not a child. This was strange to be that suddenly the narration changes and the father directly addresses a situation. Was he trying to defend himself, had the child really just imagined it? It's hard to know, or understand why exactly McCarthy chose to do this in his writing at this moment. 

I hope everyone back in STL is safe and that things settle down soon. 

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His Only Outlet

Okay I honestly think that is Alison Bechdel's father was alive now he'd be addicted to Pinterest, most people are and most creative people have hundreds of boards pretaining to their interests. I plan on making one or even two Pinterest board's for Alison's father. I think I'll make one but include both interior design aspects and high fashion. He took the way his family was presented incredibly seriously. So first impressions were important to him. And his asthetic seems to be more Victorian period than modern. Especially since they lived in a Victorian Gothic home. I think creating this board and stepping back from it will show how much design meant to Bechdel's father. How when living a lie, and having only one outlet that feels like it truly is apart of who you really are that becomes key to your identity. Most people dream of having perfect little familes, perfect homes to live in and for appearances sake that's what the Bechdel's had. Their home was a masterpiece, their father made sure each of them dressed immaculately and they were raised by two intelligent parents but all these things meant nothing to who they all really were. It was a mask over their identities. Pinterest is an awesome form of social media because it's a way to share ideas, tip and tricks and so much advice to save people in the long run. Bechdel's father makes a comment about collecting all the piece of art and furniture because they were beautiful and beauty was important to him. We see that in almost ever panel including him, putting on bronzer to improve his image and taking the time to take a photo because everything needed to be perfect. It's not that all these things aren't imporant to him and that he doesn't care about them but they are a mask that he hides behind so nobody sees his true self. But I think it'll say a lot more about who he was and what he was going through, at least I hope so. But humans are complex so maybe it won't work out like I think it would. 

I do wonder who we are to present this to you though, should we just include a link to the pinterset page in our paper, or something like that? I'm a little confused on that part of the paper but I think I've got the gist of how I'm supposed to do this and how it's supposed to go. 

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It's hard to empathize

The relationship between Alison Bechdel and her father is complicated to say the least. I wish there were more to read, I plan on rushing out to get the book as soon as I finish this blog. Knowing her father was a closeted homosexual and herself being a lesbian I feel her writing must have so much more to tell about her life growing up. But the story of her father is tragic, it seems as though his only way of expressing himself openly is through his interior design. Which was so important to him because it was all he had. Which might also be why he was incredibly defensive of it. And why when he felt it were distrurbed by his children playing or moving things he took it incredibly seriously because he felt as though it were himself that was not being taken seriously. It felt to him as an attack on the only part of his truth that he could show. I wonder about his wife because to the reader and his daughter if seems so obvious that something is amiss and yet they had three children together, was she just content to be married, did she live her own secret live of desires. We don't know much about her from this expert but she seems understanding of her husband. Understanding that he's sensitive, that he needs control and that he needed his space. She seemed like she understood enough but I guess once I read the book I'll know more about her. It's sad that she felt the loss of her father before he was gone. I have a difficult time ever relating to people with displaced parents. I didn't have a perfect childhood but even when I talk with my husband, his father had chosen drugs over them when he was a child and spent most of their lives battling his addictions before eventually losing a couple years ago. And I love my husband so dearly yet that's something I really can't empathize with. My parents have always been there for me and my sisters. They stayed married my entire childhood, and still are and were both active in their parenting roles. So I have a difficult time understanding what it would feel like to have a father that isn't really there, a parent you don't really have a relationship with. It's tragic and I feel bad for them but beyond that I don't really understand what that would be like. 

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9/11 Poems

Each and every one of these poems is so deep and full of emotions, from the poem of the lost bird to the poem Silent Room where the subject has become defeated and doesn't have the same life they had before because everything for them has changed. The way that poems ends, "not enough, to convince me, that it isn't plugged in, that everything I am isn't burning." They are still living in that moment, in that day. For many people it was impossible to let go of that day. For muslim families suddenly they were viewed as the enemy, the last poem Palestine gives us insight into the lives of regualr muslim familes now held responsible for the actions of few. They were expected to have answers to be able to explain why when they themselves might have lost friends and family in the World Trade Center. So many peoples lives were changed forever when the two towers fell. And this collection of poems gives us insight on the the many lives that were changed and how they were effected. I think it's a great collection of poems that really gives a well rounded veiw of the people impacted and the different way people were effected by the events of one day. 

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His Experience

Art Spiegelman has a very interesting perspective of 9/11. He was there, many writers have shared their ideas, and feelings of what happened to this Nation but I truly believe that for those that were there it's different. The things he talks about, the images he displays give an understanding. This wasn't just about those people in the towers, or the people running in as hero's it's about the everyday people. The children still in school unaware but only blocks away, it's about the parents rushing to get their child, filled with fear and anxiety about the life of their own child being so close to something so terrifying. Spiegelman's comics have always said something to me, his ability to not only tell a large story in the development of the Twin Towers and their collapse but to tell about his individual experience and how he felt. He makes something incredibly vast so personal and I absorb it everytime. The image of the frame work of the tower was mesmerizing and his story about how this image that he clearly saw, that stood before him was never captured and how for him it was the most important image to share. I loved it and I wished there was an image in real life of the towers this way. 

I'm conflicted writing this now, Eleanor wrote such a beautiful, moving post about her experience during 9/11 and I feel for her. And I know that for us that weren't close to the impact we reacted differently. There was this fear, and feeling of insecurity but we didn't live in it. We didn't smell it everyday. We don't have to question the health of our family member based on their proximity to the crash site. It's hard for me even to understand. The complexity of an event like this isn't something we can easily absorb. I remember 9/11 and I remember the day Osama Bin Laden died, I was woken in the middle of the night. My boyfriend's (now husband's) best friend was blowing up our phones, he just kept calling and when I answered he said to turn on the TV and wake up Dylan. I didn't know how to feel, the same as when I was only 9. I was unsure what to think about all this and I remember thinking back to that day. Thinking back and feeling that same uncertainty. I don't think we're meant to ever understand things like this. I don't think when tragedies happen we are supposed to be able to understand them to the fullest. That's probably one of the most difficult aspects, that we still don't understand. Even if we had all the fact, if it was a conspiracy, if it was something bigger I just don't think it'll ever be something we can say we get. Death isn't something we really ever understand. I don't think we are supposed to. Idk I'm rambling now but this assignment is one of deep reflection and it's hard to gather your thoughts on something so painful. I guess it's just hard to know what to say because there isn't really anything you can ever say to make it better or to change things. The world changed after 9/11. People, a nation and it's art; everything changed. Was that change for the better? Was it for the worse? Are we the "Greatest Country in the World anymore? Or are we a shadow of that former glory?

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I Was Only in Third Grade

Reading the multi-media presentation on 9/11 was rough. I was in third grade when this happened, I didn't really understand what was happening. We were TOLD it was a tragedy, we were TOLD it was a devastating, but we couldn't really understand. As a wife, listening to the message of the wife to her husband immediately brought me to tears, I can't imagine anyone listening to this message, and not being moved emotionally. I think this presentation puts us in the right frame of mind though. I don't want to say brings us back to that day because for most of us in this class we were very young and didn't really understand like we can now, instead it gives us the ability. To finally understand, to really feel what the rest of a nation felt. The vulnerability of a Nation that thought it was indestructible, that calls itself the greatest country in the world. I went through this presentation before doing the readings so I wanted to make my feelings clear before sharing my thoughts and opinions on the texts.  

In John Updike's short story (Novella) "Varieties of Religious experiences" we literally experience so many perspectives of 9/11. From a father losing his religion in his worry about his daughter, to a muslim in a strip club contemplating his trip to paradise and his reward of virgins. Which on a side note never seemed like much of a reward to me. I'm not sure I'd want to have sex with a bunch of virgins, none of them would have a clue what they're doing. It sounds more awkward and boring than anything, but I digress. Hands down the most striking of all the stories is of the married couple on the phone. In my annotations I just kept writing "oh my god" I couldn't say anything else, and then the wife in the story started to say it too, "Oh my God, Jim." (Updike 4054). And again right after again Marcy cries, "Oh my God." (Updike 4054). Tears literally filled my eyes, it was unbearably hard to read a lump formed in my throat as he gave her permission to live, to enjoy her life. To not spend the rest of her days mourning. This unwavering love, this phone call that began as a normal conversation asking your husband to pick up something from the store ending in the revelation that you will never see him again, you will never talk to him ever again. This is it, your last moment with him on this earth, over the phone. Completely helpless, hearing his fear, seeing the burning building he's trapped in with your own eyes. What I do remember from 9/11 is my teacher crying, I remember we went into a room where there was a TV and we watched, at first stunned in silence and then I heard her gasp. I didn't know why she'd gasp until I heard the adults murmuring under their breathe to each other, in disbelief that they were jumping. And if you looked at the TV you saw specks of black floating from the tower to the ground, we didn't know what it was until we heard their revolution. People jumping to their deaths, they had no other choice than suffocation.This story was rough, like I said I was young when this happened but that doesn't mean I don't remember it. That day sticks out from every single one in my elementary school years. I don't remember my science fair projects, I don't remember who I had a crush on. I remember the day we all got up, and went into the same room as all the other third graders and the teachers just turned on the TV's. No explanation, nothing, just let us witness history. Were we too young, maybe. But so was Dan's granddaughter. In the end of the story it's clear she'd changed, her innocence was gone. It happens to every child. You can't fight it, the moment they no longer see the world through rose colored glasses. My husband's mother talked about seeing it happen to her kids when their father walked out, when they realized he wasn't coming back. She saw an immediate change in them. This happened to an entire generation of kids. That all lost the remainder of their innocence on the same day, at the same moment. When American was no longer "The Greatest Country in the World" when they were no longer infallible, when we no longer felt safe.  Like I said this story encompasses so much. It's impossible to discuss it in one blog. But it's important to read, it's important not to forget, what people went through, how this country changed. We can never go back to before, that's not how it works. As Dan says at the end we must learn from our mistakes and move on. But American's don't go back, we move on. We just can't forget. 

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Day Woman

I think it's a pretty amazing thing to be able to see your mother for the woman she is and not just the parent that she is to you. This story encompassed that moment that you first see your mother in a new light and you're able to process part of who she is outside of your personal relationship. Although the narrator is specifially describing her mother I think she purposefully included attributes that make her mother relatable to all mothers. "My mother, who talks to herself when she peels the skin off poultry" (Danticat 3847). This reminded me of my own mother, she always hums while she bakes. Not very loud but it's something I could always hear from our playroom. I love the way she describes her mother though, and the set up between the mothers actions and things that the mother had said throughout her life that connected to those things. "Why should we give to Goodwill when there are so many people back home who need clothes? We save our clothes for the relatives in Haiti" (Danticat 3847). The mother has great advice and of course as a child the narrator sees her mothers good intentions but also sees that her mother has a garage full of things to give to relative in Haiti. But that's the character of her mother and a lot of moms. To put family first and to take care of yourself second. When she stops to look at the clothes for her daughter, my mom loves to buy me things even though sometimes the gift isn't my taste I know that my mother had the best intentions in buying it for me and I love her for that. I love the discoveries made about the mother, eating a hot dog, being a nanny. Her mother is apart of this whole world she knows nothing about. It's pretty amazing, and of course she is. Her mother had a life before her, why wouldn't she maintain her own life. I think moms need that, some work, some have hobbies. But mothers need an outlet, something that's for themselves. This weekend I saw a glimpse of my moms awesomeness. She takes care of kids for a living, she's a children's psych nurse and it amazes me how much she cares about them. She collects unused make up and makeup bags for the older girls, she organized a big Halloween party since the kids aren't allowed to leave their ward, and she has this connection to all these people I will never meet but it brings her so much joy and give her purpose and I love that she has that. I'd love to have this opportunity, to see my mom in her element. I don't know if I'd follow her for so long without saying hello, but I think it's mesmerizing for a child to be able to truly see their mother in her own element. With her independence and without any outside influence. 

I wonder though if it's weird the author never acknowledged her mother. Even at the end she didn't go up to her mother and say hello. I think that's so odd but maybe the author did this for good reason, to say that is wasn't the mother she new but the day woman she'd never met. I'm not sure but that's the one part that threw me. I thought at some point she would but instead she just kind of stalked her mom for a few blocks and then went back to work. 

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Acclimated to Death

I chose this poem because it was one of the very first things I ever read in a college course and since this is one of that last college courses before my first degree I thought it's would be interesting to analyze a piece of writing I read and analyzed about 4 years ago. (Geesh this took far to long to graduate) The first time I read this I remember loving the set up, and I still do. The poet isn't simply reciting a poem, they're telling a story, giving the facts. There's very little embellishment. Similar to a news article. At first you're given the facts, the who, what, when, and where and then comes the why. The image of the house is frightening, "broken bottles were imbedded in the walls around the house to scoop the kneecaps from a man's legs or cut his hands to lace" (Forche 3725) this image is terrifying, and really places you into the story. In understanding what kind of fortress they are in. When the poet describes her friends reaction to her having been asked how she enjoyed El Salvador you can picture their face. Hoping that she'll have the right response, that they won't offend their host in this den of horror. The ears are of course the most gruesome of all the images, that poet wants us to really understand this part, to understand the symbolism behind the ears and how important it is. The ear in the glass of water "coming alive" (Forche 3725), the ears that fall to the floor, some hearing the colonel's words while others are pressed against the floor unable to hear. These ears belonged to someone, multiple someones, this is the most gruesome image of this poems, the gun on the couch and then gratings on the windows paled in comparison. It's funny to me how the Colonel and his family though seem so accustomed to this, the daughter is not distraught, she's not filled with unnerved angst, she's painting her nails calmly. One of my favorite and most relaxing of all past times, it requires patience and a steady hand, not something you can do under stress. They were living the high life, for dinner they had lamb, even the bell for calling their maid was made of gold. This fortress was truly their home, and ears and all they were comfortable in it. I think that image might even be slightly more disturbing than the ears laying on the floor. The fact that they are raising children in this environment and that the kids are completely acclimated to it. There are ears on the table and yet there is not a distress in the house. No one is bothered besides the guests, it's astonishing. The first time I read this I didn't really pick up on the family as much, I mostly focused on the ears, the discretion, the way at first they are described as inhuman, peach halves but once dropped in water they are not only alive but now they're listening. But they aren't the only ones listening, his family is listening, his wife and daughter, his son out for the night but whom I'm sure has heard this spiel over and over. I guess that's most shocking of all, is this family. They are so consumed by their father's ideals. So poisoned by rhetoric, so numb to violence that their home, their father's temper, and human body parts on the floor doesn't phase them. 

How can children brought up in a home like that possibly ever feel empathy? How could you not live in constant fear when your house is a death trap, telling you at all times you are in danger and people want you dead? How can they be so calm? And how can the son even feel safe enough to go out for the night having a sadistic father who obviously has earned numerous enemies? 

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Born a Victim

The poem "Apprenticed to Justice" by Kimberly Blaeser is some deep stuff. She describes a torn, burnt surrounding. Completely destroyed and ashened, and talks about how "no dustbowl wind can lift this history of loss" (3415) and you're just struck with the imagery of this poem. Children born to not trust the people they share a country with, to be completely seperate from this thing around them. Feeling the need to protect thier names because of fear they too will be stolen from them, "as easily as land" (3415). It's something American's just don't understand. I've been to a reservation, we were in New Mexico on our way to Los Altos and my mom wanted to stop. The people there were so kind, my dad is half Native American and it shows, they saw him and immediatly were so welcoming. They were having a celebration and were having a ceremony of goods. Sharing thier food with everyone in the tribe and they included us. Complete strangers welcomed us into their homes, I was young and the kids my age ran up to me and started showing me how to perform the dance they were doing. It was such an amazing humbling experience. To be instantly apart of something bigger than yourself, to know there are these people that are so misunderstood and mistreated. When the writer illudes to the trail of tears, "thunder like twelve thousand, walking, then ten thousand, then eight, walking away from stolen homes, from burned out camps, from relative fallen, as they walked, then crawled, then fell." (3416). These people so kind to welcome strangers have such a painful history. They are born into a world that refused to accept them, that cast them away as something less than and to be raised in that culture seperates you from the rest of the world and places a stigma upon your head. They are born expected to integrate or stay out of the way. This poem it beutiful however and ends with strength, an author trying to empower a people. To create a spark of revolution, of rights, for change. To rise above the ashes their heritage is built upon and become something great. I hope more people read these poems because they really have a depth of heart and truth that are so beautiful and inspiring. 

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Either You're With Us or Against Us

It was hard at first for me to get into this story, I hardly ever enjoy when a second language is used in literature but isn't translated. I understand it has meaning, but I don't know spanish so I don't know what that meaning is. It's as if I were talking to someone and just rambled a phrase in German knowing they didn't understand me but never bothered to tell them what I said. Not a big deal though, just a pet peeve that it wasn't a footnote or anything. I'm also not Catholic, nor have I ever been to a Catholic mass so the beginning turned me off becuase when the author is talking about how everyone is equal on Ash Wednesday (3312) I just kind of thought to myself, "well not everyone, I mean maybe every Catholic but that's certainly not everyone in the world" not a huge deal but it's hard to get into something when it seems the audience for the narration is so narrow. I did manage to connect with one part of this story and that's the nature of children. Children are pack animals. If you are weak, if you are different, you won't be accepted by the pack. If you go against them you will be rejected and if you defend someone that's not in the pack you are making a statment of betrayl and must be punished. This is basic child psychology. They learn to make friends with people that share commonalities with and ostersize those that don't necessarily belong. It's sad, when Tony actually does the right thing, defending his friend and refusing to give him a "punishment" before everyone the crowd of children turns on him. It reminded me of the story of Jesus and the Prositute. The men of the town wanted to stone her, they wanted her dead and Jesus made a statment that he who hath no sin shall cast the first stone. This wasn't exactly what happened with the kids but it showed signs of that, and then when Tony took the punishment, and actually cried out to God. It reminded me of the Crusifiction when before Christ died he cried out to his father asking for him to forgive those that had done this to him. Standing up to bullies is a Christ like behavior because it in essence puts yourself in harms way to protect another. Someone who might not be like you, someone who isn't always innocent themselves but you defend them because you know it's right. I read that part and thought it was pretty nice that despite thier difference in beliefs Tony still defended his friend and didn't judge him like the rest. He took the punishment of his peers and wasn't vengeful toward them or even mad at Florence, he just got up and went into confession. Kind of a neat picture. 

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Freeing the Virgin (DRAFT)

I apologize for this being so late.

                                                 Freeing The Virgin: a mental assassination

Reading Kurt Vonnegut's short story "Welcome to the Monkey house" you feel betrayed. The author takes the reader on a journey, filled with dark humor and satire that brings a smile to your face. Floating on this cloud you enjoy the dystopia story of the world during a population crisis, with solutions like suicide parlors and genital numbing pills you find yourself enthralled and diving deeper into the narration absorbing every moment. Until in the end you are dropped on your head and all you can do it try and pick up the pieces after the final period; just like the character Nancy must now pick up the pieces of her own life to decide for herself what she now believes. In this work of fiction written by the late Kurt Vonnegut he transitions from a story filled with dark humor and satire to one of serious content and a political and societal message in attempts to end the story leaving the audience in awe and alone with their thoughts searching within themselves for understanding and answers. By creating characters that transform in personality and characteristics we as an audience are transformed in opinion of these characters, changing the tone of the writing and inserting page breaks and dramatic pauses slows the reader and creates a deeper importance to really hone in on each sentiment coming from these characters. The jokes and humor end in this last excerpt of the story and in the end we are left just as Nancy is left, alone, uncertain and needing to search within ourselves for our own truth.

"Which he did." (Vonnegut 47). The page break following this sentence is the beginning of the end. Not only is this the last page break of the story but in this next excerpt the entire tone and voice of the writing changes. No longer are we as readers meant to laugh and enjoy this story, from here on out we are meant to think, analyze, and determine for ourselves the morality of the characters, the world of the past, our current culture and our plausible future. This is the turning point and from here we must take note and be prepared for the emotional warfare we are about to experience because Vonnegut spares no feelings. The page break on page 47 is not the only grammatical aspect that dictates meaning and creates an important element to the text. The use of the em-dash is essential in changing tone and determining dramatic importance in the story.  "On the contrary, he was terribly depressed, and said to Nancy, "Believe me if there'd been any other way---"' (Vonnegut 47). Billy does not finish this sentence, he interrupts himself with silence because there is nothing more to say. There is no other way, he knows that, Nancy knows that and him saying anything about that now is pointless. What's done is done and showing regret for that now is unnecessary. The use of the em-dash is prevalent through out the ending of the story and that's because the author wants us to slow down, we are supposed to read this last part carefully. This use of grammar is meant to show us that by taking this new pace it creates a more serious tone to the reading and ensures that we as the reader really understand and absorb the ending of the story. And the true difference between what we've read up to this point and everything here after. 

The author changes his characters in the end. Billy is no longer this idea, he's here and his purpose is no longer a joke. He has come to do a job and in doing it we are moved. "He deflowered her with a clinical skill she found ghastly." (Vonnegut 47). Billy the poet was cold, he was methodical and he knew what he was doing. Like a surgeon cutting into human flesh, Billy did his job with all seriousness and without wavering. This is important, because it signifies that Billy was not happy to be doing this and in this moment neither was he  destroyed by his actions. It was a job that needed done and one that he was capable and willing to do. We know all along Billy's ultimate driving force, we know his motives and yet we don't see it happening this way. Despite Nancy never wavering we just assume she'll give herself over. When Billy has to rape Nancy we feel unprepared. In a way as an audience we also feel taken advantage of.  The quote about Billy's depression is also relevant to the changing of Billy's character because of what it says about him. "On the contrary, he was terribly depressed, and said to Nancy, "Believe me if there'd been any other way---"' (Vonnegut 47). This passage is the first time we realize the effect that the plight of reawakening a sexual revolution has on Billy. He doesn't enjoy forcing himself on women, there is no part of this violation and rape that brings him joy. He is bothered by his actions but that doesn't change the fact that he believes in what he's doing and it's importance. This passage shows us that his beliefs come at an emotional price and that's something Billy can not get away from. But Billy isn't the only character suffering and he's certainly not the only one to make a dramatic change in behavior. "Her reply to this was a face like stone--and silent tears of humiliation." (Vonnegut 47). Again we see an em-dash used to signify the importance behind the second portion and it's true weight. This is the first time Nancy has ever shown weakness. She is broken, her confidence was taken from her and she's no longer the same woman. "Big as she was, like a double bass wedged onto that narrow shelf, she felt like a pitiful little thing." (Vonnegut 47). Up to this point in the story Nancy had the desire to fight, the confidence in herself and her ability to kick-ass, but now she's defeated, in the following sentence it says that she pulls the covers up to "hide her face" (Vonnegut 47). She feels shame, and we pity Nancy. This whole story we see her strength, Nancy reassures the audience she's strong and that she doesn't need any help with defending herself and now we see her defeated and it's painful to read. Nancy is full of shame and wants to just hide from the world. This is not the same woman we were introduced to in the suicide parlor. This woman has changed and it's unclear at this moment whether what was done to her truly was for the better.  

"And he left. And they all left but Nancy." (Vonnegut 50). At the end of this story Nancy is left alone to deal with what just happened to her. She must process her sexual awakening and how she feels about it, she must process what Billy tells her about the government and the lies she'd been fed in order to shape her life. Being left alone with her thoughts, now armed with the truth she can decide her own fate. This is also how we as an audience are left. The author doesn't tell us how to feel at the end, he doesn't tell us what to think or how to react. He just tells us the facts, he predicts a future filled with government mandates in order to control sexuality, and at the time this was written the government had already began a war on drugs during a time where experimenting with drugs was just as much apart of a culture as sex. So why should the freedom of sex not also be threatened? The way this story ends is pivotal in delivering it's message. The author tells no more jokes, describing Champagne as a drug as illegal as heroin is the last piece of humor we find (Vonnegut 46). This digression away from humor is so important in creating a serious message and ensuring that the audience is receptive to the new direction of the tone.  

In essence while reading "Welcome to the Monkey House" we are both being violated, the reader and Nancy. The author draws us in, makes us feel safe and then violates that trust creating this feeling of vulnerability. We don't know what to think, we are empathetic to a rapist and yet we understand his motives and have to question our own morals for understanding. This wasn't what we agreed to, this wasn't what we were sold in the beginning, Vonnegut promised us humor and witty quips and then he stole that away from us. He stole the innocence of the story away from us just as Billy the Poet stole away the innocence of Nancy. Forced the reader to see something ugly, something true. In order to find enlightenment. We are in a way just like Nancy, in order to understand we must be forced. The page breaks and grammar tell us that this passage is serious and that we are to take note, we are drawn in all along by humor but those jokes end and the serious nature of this story ensues. Billy the Poet becomes a monster and a hero in a matter of seconds and we are left unsure how to feel about him after all and Nancy transforms from the charismatic, beautiful, confident and strong woman to someone afraid so show her face. Unable to muster the will to even fight. She's confused and in the end she's left alone. This entire story Nancy is never alone, from the beginning with her co-worker and police officer to being kidnapped and guarded at all times. Even whilst being raped, she's surrounded by people holding her down, but in the end she's alone. Finally, to decide for herself what her truth is. We are like Nancy, the author is no longer telling a story, the facts are all laid before us and we are to determine our own truth. Are we to be empathetic to a rapist? Should we support this ideal of the sexual revolution and the reawakening of the population? Can this be a righteous cause if the solution is to violate women? These are what we are left with as an audience, self doubt, the need to find answers within. Vonnegut performs a mental assassination on his audience at the last minute in order to really get them to think and it's one of the most amazing pieces of literature that I've read in a long time.

So any feedback would be great, one thing I've unsure of is my use of the same quote twice. I think it's important in both grammatical context and character development but maybe structure wise I might set it up differently. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated in all aspects. 

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Some Women Wait

This poem said a lot to me, the poet begins by inferring or better yet stating that "some women love to wait" (3375). Lorde then starts to list the things women "love" to wait for, some things that shouldn't be waited for like someone else to make them whole again, somethings that you're expected to wait for like a marriage proposal. She talks about waiting, or not living isn't always worth it. That "the opposite of living is only not living and the stars do not care" (3376). What you chose to make up your life is your decision. To wait for change or to change yourselves as in the ending of the poem (3376). But the poet doesn't say whether this decision for changing oneself is for the good or the bad. And I don't think these stations of waiting are necessarily bad, they seem to be. It seems to be that these women she describes are putting their lives on hold or holding back from something. Women wait for such tremendous things, things that just take time. Waiting isn't an awful thing, waiting for a husbands return is an empowering and independent time in my life, waiting for the birth of a child is huge for a mother. The growth, development, all the stages for becoming a mother. This waiting is important to the process. I think Lorde lightly touches these times but I don't know it just didn't feel right to me. The beginning of the poem reflects the rest of the poem for me in that she believes some of these women love the waiting, that's certainly not true. Depsite the waiting being a necessity these women don't love it. I thought the desciption of Audre Lorde as being a black lesbian feminist warrior poet empowering, I'm not one for lables. And this was riddled with them because I feel like it can give you a negative impression of somebody. Just like this poem felt like a label, the patient women, always waiting for a life that doesn't come. Waiting for love, waiting for a baby, waiting for acceptance, equality, waiting for all these things and her patience is her down fall because she will wait until eventually she gives up her waiting and accepts defeat, changing herself in the end. Maybe I missed the point of this poem, I don't know. But I see strenght in waiting, I see perseverance, I see some wonderful things and I'd hate such a negative lable to be placed on diligent women waiting for something important to them. 

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Should Color Matter?

~Is Twyla White or Black? Is Roberta White or Black? 

I don't think we are supposed to be able to answer this, at times I thought I clearly had this figured out but then I realized it seems like in the second half of the story Morrison might have actually flipped their races in order to make the context even more confusing. Because I believe as a writer she had characters race in mind but flipped them to make sure that it wasn't something we could distinguish. Let me explain, "they never wash their hair" (3541) this is something that Twyla's mother told her about people like Roberta. I assumed to begin with this meant that Roberta was black and Twyla was white because well white girls HAVE to wash their hair daily otherwise it looks disgusting and that's not really a stereotype of the white race but growing up white people tend to be extremely confused about black hair and how it's treated, whether or not it's washed, how often and how. Of course everyone washes themselves but this sentence at the beginning I thought would create such a clear picture because that's just not a stereotype I've ever heard attributed to white people. Next was the sentence about the food Roberta refused to eat but Twyla liked "...Spam, Salisbury Steak, - even Jell-O with fruit cocktail in it..." (3542). This seemed that it could solidify the original idea that Twyla is white because Spam, Salisbury Steak and Jell-O are pretty regular meals in caucasian households. Of course not every household, and this example isn't perfect because anyone black, white, asian purple, anyone can eat this food and like or hate it but that's something I thought might be a sign. But then the script flips in the third encounter at the supermarket. When Twyla thinks to herself about Roberta "Easy I thought. Everything is so easy for them. They think they own the world." (3548). This is the point that I felt the race was switched and that she was creating this white preferential idea and painting this entitled race inequality picture that makes Roberta now look like she's the white character and the Twyla is in fact the black one. Then Twyla asks if Roberta "...married a Chinaman?" (3548). I'd actually never heard anyone in the white community use this phrase before. I honestly thought it was the name of a restaurant for the longest time in high school until someone explained to me that it's just something that black people tend to call all Chinese people and their businesses. It's a racist term and something I'd never really heard until I got to a diverse high school and heard someone outside of my race say. When they talk about "black and white" in the next few pages the girls really make no kind of distinction whom is which and I think that's because truly they each are both. The story ends with Maggie and I think if there is a race to these girls that Maggie is the determining factor. Both girls attribute Maggie to being like their mother, because Twyla doesn't see Maggie as black and Roberta does that made me think that maybe I was right from the beginning, maybe the girls saw Maggie's race as being their mothers race, as being their mother and as being their race. That's the only real thing I can think that would solidly explain a clear race but I honestly don't think we're supposed to. I don't think Toni Morrison want's us to define them to a race because it defeats the purpose. 

~How do we "read" race in society? What difference does race make and how? Are class issues ultimately as divisive as racial issues?

Race is "read" in society through stereotypes. I went to an extremely diverse high school. And there are things I noticed that taught be how little the color of your skin really means in the real scope of things. Race can make an initial opinion in someone's mind about you if they attribute a stereotype to your character before ever having talked to you but those can be immediately dispelled through a conversation and close attention. African American's are not the only people in this country that fail/drop out of school, sag their pants and belong to gangs. To think that is ignorant. I truly believe that class issues is a much more relevant way to determine issues in our society. Single mothers are in every single race and poverty doesn't have a color. But when people look at these classes you will find much more commonalities, even between a "black ghetto thug" and a "white-trash redneck" because I know that people run a spectrum and to lap everyone into one side of the pool creates more confusion than anything. I think if we dealt more with class issues than race issues we'd have less problems as a society and people that really needed the help would get it and the segregation in our country would end. Sometimes we have to stop talking about the difference between black and white and teach our children equality instead because we're all just American's but for some reason in this country we always feel the need to attach a race or color to everything. We don't have a president, we have a black president. Michael Brown wasn't shot by a cop he was shot by a white cop. We are obsessed with race and making sure people know the differences between them when really there aren't any beside what we chose to believe are differences worth separating us. I think focusing on class issues would put us in a better place as a whole but like I said that won't happen until race is no longer a box we have to check on a test or college application to distinguish who we are as a person when honestly it shouldn't matter. 

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Death is Pervasive

I found the title of this story quite funny since currently we are testing over Entropy, Thermodynamics, and Energy (ATP) in my biology course so somethings others might not pick up on like a law of thermodynamics being that energy can not be created or destroyed of entropy in essences being the measure of chaos in a system most likely in molecular biology. Hence when atoms or molecules split and are less ordered and more chaotic entropy goes up, just some fun fact. But this connection was important to me as the connection between both readings, this story was complex. I had to reread portions because the sheer genius of Pynchon is a lot to take in especially for someone who's never read anything by him before (but plans to read more). "He was aware of the dangers of the reductive fallacy and, he hoped, strong enough not to drift into the graceful decadence of an enervated fatalism" (3026). That's one of those I had to reread to fully understand. But this complex line is exactly what this story and Gorey's children's alphabet book are about...DEATH. The uncontrollable, ever impending idea of death. Entropy is always increasing in our cosmos, because things are constantly falling apart including ourselves. This concept must be accepted, it's something Gorey expressed to children and it's something Callisto is and has accepted for himself. 

This story is incredibly deep and there is so much more to it, the music for instance. There is a clear difference between upstairs and downstairs music and how it relates to what's happening to the, a level of education and the idea of what's happening outside of themselves. Never once do the people downstairs have a thought for their neighbors and how they must be disrupting them and yet the noise intrusion isn't something the upstairs neighbors can easily ignore. I enjoyed this story and it's depth but this is definitely something I will need to reread a few times to fully absorb and this author is most certainly someone that I would enjoy looking into for more of their work. 

ps. I loved that their was a Navy Boatswain mate in this story since that's what my husband does for a living and most people can't even pronounce his job much less spell it correctly and understand what it is. Just a cool little blurb I thought neat. 

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Death Happens

I love creepy things, I even just bought an amazing copy of Alice in Wonderland illustrated by a tattoo artist and it gives me the creeps. Well not as much as my Ralph Steadman illustrated copy but I love it. And I loved Edward Gorey's "The Gashlycrumb Tinies". The story made me laugh and thoroughly made me uncomfortable which it's intended to do. I would read something like this to my child because honestly I'm not afraid to expose them to a book. If they didn't like it I wouldn't read it again but who's to say they aren't like me. I was in love with creepy things since I was a baby, Edward Scissor hands was a childhood favorite movie along with "the Nightmare Before Christmas" and my parents didn't ever try and change my preference away from dark humor. I think that's all this story really is to kids, as adults we can read into anything and see beyond the surface or something. This book is riddled with Death, literally images of death and dying and Death himself. I think that's something relevant to all historical period. People die, it's going to happen, as the Tropic of Cancer references in the beginning of the story Entropy with weather all way happening and can't be stopped, that's the same explanation of death. He's coming, it grows nearer and Gorey doesn't shy away from the subject instead he exposes it to children. He breaks a barrier that shelters a child from reality and shows them death is apart of life, it's as simple as the ABC's and is shouldn't be something we are afraid of, it's just something to accept and move on from.  

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Freeing the Virgin (ESSAY)

I bought and annotated a copy of Welcome to the Monkey house if you want I can bring it in and we can discuss some more or I can take a picture and update this blog with it so you can see I did step one. For step two most of that is just noted in my text but the main topic is the shift in voice from dark humor and satirical to something vile and twisted. My questions are Why does Vonnegut change voice? Why does he switch from dark humor and satire to a complete seperate style? Is Vonnegut's point to create empathy for a rapist? Does he want us to understand the sacrifice emotionally Billy the poet is making through his actions simulatiousy with the sacrifice Nancy makes with her body? Is this right Is this Justified?

Reading this was dark, I chose this story and specifically this part because it entails a great technique that is incredibly difficult. In a mattter of sentences Billy the Poet transforms from a rebel to a rapist. It's shocking, the story is no longer funny, the champange joke no longer matters we are sitting there, stunned that this author would take us somewhere like this. Challenging our reasoning, then he asks us to empathize, to understand the emotional burden of Billy, he has done this countless times, and the woman are all happier for it but the weight of his actions is on him. He doesn't have love, no one has ever chosen to give their body to him. He must take it. His intentions are pure, he's invoking a sexual revolution and in revolution there are casualites but is this the way to do it? Vonnegut creates a character in this story that is filled with depression, regret. And with a duty, a burden often to heavy for him to bear. Yet he believes his actions are justified. Salvation/sexual freedom that can only be obtained through a violation. It's so personal. I was deeply effected by this writting, to go from laughter to something so deep and seedy, to be emotionaly vulnerable and unprepared to feel taken advantage of even by the author. You trust him to continue to make you laugh and instead he drops you from a ten story building. 

This is  pure free writing, I didn't look at my notes writing this so my ideals might be jumbled but I think I've stumbled on something, the idea that not only were the characters taken advantage of but the audience it's self was violated. A trust between author and reader was questioned when we no longer were given something to laugh at and yet were now questioning our own values and morality. This is a truly amazing piece and I'm excited to continues studying and working on it. 

Vonnegut is a true literary genius. 

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Mind = Blown

I absolutely loved Kurt Vonnegut's story. Dysentopia novels are definitely my favorite genre and when it's done right it's the most facinating look into the plausable future of our current society. Sometimes we have to remember that Vonnegut wrote these stories long before modern technology. Like most Science Fiction writers such as Orson Scott Card often he predicts technology that eventually comes to be apart of our daily lives. Ender's Game has a semi iPad that the kids use every day. While there isn't a specific form of technology predicted in Welcome to the Monkey House Vonnegut makes other inferences on a plausible future. With numb genitals being a "solution" to over population and suicide buisnesses where someone wishing to die can end thier lives. This is an ideal of the future also presented in the comedy cartoon Futurama. But who's to say that this doesn't become a reality. Should someone have that choice, when to die and how to come to that ultimate ending? Should they be able to have a lovely lady read them a menu of options on their death and they pick the final moments of their life? What about for the terminally ill shouldn't people be able to decide to die with dignity rather than suffer pain and agony, needing their bed pans changed and losing all control of themselves until they are a shell and and burden to their family? Vonnegut lightly touches on this solution to population but maybe it wasn't a satire. Maybe he really thought that chosing to die in a suicide parlor was a viable option. I mean why not? It's your life, if you chose to end it shouldn't you have that right? I've always thought the same for drugs, hell make them legal, start of buisnesses where adicts can go get high, and there's a babysitter essentially to get them through the experiences, take out the criminalization and allow the choice. It's something I've always wondered about. I love the way Vonnegut thinks though, it's like he's always saying why not, why can't people just travel through time, in one novel as the narrator he eventually places himself into the story and simulatiously talks to the auidence because why not, why can't he. It's facisnating. Sometimes his writing are so-so and sometimes it's phemoninal but I promise you it's always a literary exploration and worth reading. I loved this story the tone the way it changed at the end and the mood became dark and almost sydistic. Vonnegut has a way of creating an alternate world but it's so real, it's tangible that you wonder if that is our future if we continue down a certain road. Like Pharmaceuticals, like government mandates, like criminalizing free expression and individuality. 

Is Vonnegut's work a warning or pure satire? Why does he take on such a dark tone in the end after having such light heartedness and jovial nature why change to something so deep and twisted? Was he just an obscure Sci-Fi writer or did Vonnegut see something about his current society that others didn't? 

PS. If you've never read anything else by Kurt Vonnegut please don't start with Slaughter-house Five, it's good but it's not great. I loved Breakfast of Champions, the drawings are hilarious because they're all little doodles that he does himself. I also truly think his short stories tend to be his best writing because they didn't have any overkill like in some of his novels. But I definitely recommend reading more.

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