Who is this "N" character? Did Brenda really have to live life so fast or where these her choices, can she blame Ray for leading her down this path or blame herself for allowing herself to follow him? If Brenda could see the signs of trouble in hind sight was she ignoring them while they were infront of her, just like when she doesn't see the beauty Ray sees?
Sunday, September 21, 2014
What a Woman!
Before I start writing about Brenda (Bonnie) Frazer's writing can I first comment on this woman's life? I mean wow, reading her bio and listening to the lecture this woman has lived. I won't say the most lavish life but she have experienced life and clearly has a story to share so beginning te excerpt from Troia: Mexican Memoirs I was enthralled, a woman that transformed from free thinking scholar, to mother and wife, to motherless prostitute in order to survive must have something amazing to share and she did. Her writing is so personal, I feel like I'm reading someone's journal and that I should respect their privacy and put it down and yet I don't want to. This excerpt begins with vigor, a mother worried, traveling a bus line to Mexico, worried for her daughters health, their safety and managing to keep a marriage a float. I feel for her, she sounds so tired and yet the journey is just beginning, what should she do, obviously the right thing would be to follow her husband, take his lead and go with him to Mexico with their baby right? She's doing the right thing, right? She's so unsure I'm afraid for her. When her husband left them to continue on while he stayed in Mexico City my heart broke for her. "He always was ahead of me in that respect, and I do respect, although it in fact leaves me behing," (Frazer 2995). Although Frazer was specifically talking about Ray appreciating the beauty of the world, something she might not immediaty notice like the stars that she saw burst outside the window in Mexico that she'd never seen because of light polution in the United States, (2995) it's pretty clear she's realizing that Ray also has a plan that she's not seeing. He's deciding to change things for his own better meant and staying behind while she continues her fearful journey into a new life alone with their daughter. The story ends with her describing the feeling of falling and not having a branch to cling to because of her speed and disorientation. That's her life, marriage, a child, on the run and now a semi-sexual encouter with this "N" fellow and she can barely hang on to.
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Or is the trouble worth it for the experience? Though this isn't what we would think of as an ideal life or experience, especially for a mother, is there something to be said for having the experience and living outside all the rules and expectations and repressions of traditional middle class motherhood? Is it freeing in some way, especially if we read it against Sexton and Rich?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think this quote is a really interesting one because of the multiple meaning of ahead and being left behind, especially in the context of women and the beat generation.
~MS